Ready for a home...

Berkeley Harbor - from our visit with my sister-in-law this weekend

I'm pooped.

I'm so exhausted and worn out that I don't want to schedule ANY social activities.  In fact, putting things in the calendar kind of give me anxiety.

Sorry I just went there.  I'm taking this moment to process things a bit right now.  Feel free to exit and not read along...I just need this moment.  For myself.

This is our third move together as a married couple...husband and I.  First one was in 2011 to our first home together.  Second move was in 2012 to our Bay Area condo that we just moved out of, and now we're searching for a new place to call home once the baby comes.  Right now, we have taken over my parents front room and guest room(s) while we're in transition.  We had to be out of our place by this past weekend, so all last week was packing and cleaning.  I am SO tired.  It's not like moving is a totally novel concept to me, but this move seemed like so much more work and effort than any past moves and our place was small, with minimal furniture/things.  I found out that pregnancy does make things harder in ways I thought wouldn't affect me as much.  I was so overly emotional and spent, that on Friday night, when I was about to break down, husband decided it was a good idea for me to just relax and put my feet up while he finished the packing.  I definitely thought that was a horrible idea and tried to refuse, but he insisted I go snuggle with our pup instead.  So I did (kicking and screaming).  It was definitely the right choice and husband was a LIFE SAVER.

He finished packing everything by midnight that night.  Then we were up and cleaning the place by 7:20AM so that it could be spotless by the time the carpet guy arrived.  He cleaned the carpets (magically), and by the next day, the carpets were dry and our place looked better than when we moved in and ready for our landlord to do an inspection.  But during all of that carpet cleaning and drying, we drove up to my in-laws to visit for the weekend before my sister-in-law heads to Spain for the summer.  It was a necessary time to spend with her, and I'm so glad we did, but boy was it awful timing that no one had control over.  We got back on Sunday, did our walkthrough with our landlord, went to my parents house and settled in.

Are you even still following this?

Going to bed that night was the greatest thing in the world, but then it was tough to know that the work week was just starting...because it was about to be Monday.

Lord, give me a weekend!

I'm tired.  I'm anxious.  I'm living out of boxes.  We don't know where we're going.  And we're having a baby.

Our hope was to find a new home before we had to be out of our place, but that wasn't in God's plans.  I know that being with my parents for a little, if even just a week, will save us some money and I am so very grateful for that, but it would be so nice to just be in our own space and be able to get ready for this babe.

We have some time...my due date isn't for another 15 weeks.  But 15 weeks?  That also seems so soon!  I long to nest and prepare for this babe, to make our new home feel like ours and to be settled, to know where home is, and to rest in it.

"But our citizenship is in heaven.  And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ..."

Philippians 3:20

I am resting in this promise instead.  That even if we had a home here to rest in, it's still not our real home.  That I should still find my true identity and peace in my future home, my eternal home...not here.

God's plan is not always the same as the one I would have orchestrated for myself, but it always seems to turn out better than I imagined.  I have no idea where we will live next.  Living in the Silicon Valley is totally overwhelming and unlike anywhere else in a totally hard to almost impossible way, but it's where He's got us, so I'll wait to see how He'll provide.

I will wait and put my trust in Him.

Not in myself.

Not in my husband.

But in the One who provides all things.